Rain lashed Liz Parker's face as she threw her bag into the back of the car. Glancing up at the sky, her brow furrowed as she watched the clouds go black as pitch. It was a shitty night, matching her mood. She could barely feel the cold, her white-hot anger was so acute. She hated this town. Hated it. And she hated her too. Her belly rumbled as she got into the red and black vehicle, turning the key in the ignition and hearing the engine turn over. At least one thing was right. If her car had refused to start she didn't know what she would have done. It stalled sometimes- she suspected the battery was fried. But she figured it would last along the coast road. She'd just have to be careful.

        Her skin crawled and she felt the burning itch to leave California as far behind as possible. She rolled down the window as she drove. The rain seeped into her flesh, but she was already shivering. Pain did that. As Liz approached the on-ramp to the freeway, she spotted two hitchhikers standing beside the road. Ordinarily she wouldn't stop, but they looked so forlorn without umbrellas, that she came to a halt beside them and cracked open her window. They were a beautiful couple- from what she could see. The guy was tall, dark, wearing a duster that the rain was probably ruining. Tiny beside him, the girl had blonde hair and wore tight pants and a long coat.

        "Where are you heading?" the guy asked, his face pale in the rain washed night.

        "North," she answered obliquely and inquired, "Want a ride?"

        They nodded and the guy held up a big green garment bag. "Can I stow this in the back?"

        She glanced in her rear-view mirror and said, "Yeah. But be quick."

        As she tossed it on the seat, the girl climbed into the back and Liz glanced at her, thinking with how beautiful she was. Completely California girl pretty in a way she would never be. In the way Isabel is... she thought and felt the stab of agony in her lower belly.

        Ignoring it, she smiled at them weakly as she pulled away from the curb and got on the freeway. Traffic was light. The rain made it near impossible to see. But she could. She didn't know how- but she could. "I'm Liz," she introduced herself and the guy, who sat next to her, smiled faintly.

        "I'm Liam."

        She wondered if he was of Irish descent as he nodded to the girl in the back, who was staring out into the night with her strange cat eyes. They reminded Liz of Isabel's and she felt sick. "That's Anne."

        "Nice to meet you," Liz replied and the girl glanced at her for a moment.

        "Do you mind if I smoke?"

        "No," Liz said reluctantly, rolling down her window a little more, so the wind would rush against her skin. "I don't mind."

        The glowing tip of the cigarette shone briefly in the dim light and then faded as Anne breathed in and blew the smoke at the back of Liz's head. "Where are you headed?"

        "North," Liam answered for her. "It's the way we're headed to, which is convenient."

        "What do you to do?"

        "We're musicians," Anne said with a glint of anger in her tone. She grinned mockingly around the smoke. "Ever heard of the Bard's Club? We're booked into it- it's in San Francisco."

        Liz thought hard and then lied, "Yeah sure." She was silent for a moment. Her face was stinging from all the salt her eyes had wept over the last night. For a moment she pictured Isabel's face - how it would look when she found out that Liz was gone and felt glad. She hoped the blonde girl suffered. Suffered for a long time. After all, Liz thought as her vision blurred slightly, I will. Why shouldn't she?

        "I'm hungry," Liam announced, and gazed at Liz. His eyes made her feel open- and she didn't like it. They reminded her of Max, and that was reason enough for hate. "Can we stop at a mini-mart or something?"

        She nodded, not really caring. "Sure. But I'll have to get off the free-way. Of course, I can always get back on."

        "There's no always," Anne coughed, and then inhaled again. "But feel free."

        Liz shifted, uncomfortable, and steered the vehicle off to the next exit, pulling into a small gas station. She had over half a tank and didn't fill up, instead, climbed out of the car to follow Liam inside. She felt kind of hungry herself, and immediately grabbed some milk and vanilla cookies. A distant memory- a pin prick of remembrance, really, tickled her brain—

        your favourite flavour is—vanilla?

        Shaking her head, she rubbed her arm and brought the food up to the counter. A bored looking woman with blue sky eyes stood in front of the cash register. Her hair looked as wilted as she obviously felt, and Liz had the urge to say- "Are you ok?" but she didn't.

        "That'll be 3.45", the woman murmured with a voice that was all anger and no softness. She was like a lot of women in California, and Liz nodded, handing her some crumpled bills and leaving the spill of change on the counter. What were coins now? Nothing. She couldn't breathe for a moment and pressed her forehead to the cool window, watching Liam buy beer and doughnuts and cigarettes, presumably for Anne- who sat in the car, motionless, except for the shifting stick of nicotine in her slim hand.

        "Ready to go?"

        The soft question from behind her made Liz's throat work with convulsive tremors. She touched her arm again. It ached just slightly. "Yes, I'm ready."

~~~

        They reached the coast in an hour, and the air felt salty and fresh. Liz drank it in and felt her belly hollow—

        (You taste like salt, love...)

        "Want to turn on the radio?" Liz inquired politely, although she did actually want to crank the music. It might drown out the roar of the past, and that was something she could do with right now.

        Liam shrugged, his muscled shoulders moving beneath the duster. He really was beautiful. His skin was pale like marble and he had eyes like a panther's. Her gaze met Anne's in the rear-view mirror and the other girl blew smoke at her. She wished she would stop doing that- it would take an entire bottle of shampoo just to get the smell out of her hair. "So?" she muttered, her fingers hovering over the dial.

        Liam shook his head. "No. Music is canned. Let's tell stories."

        "Stories?" she felt a chill crawling down her spine as if Death was stalking her. "I don't have any to tell."

        "I think you do," Anne murmured. "I want to hear the story of Liz Parker."

        Liz laughed nervously. "I told you. I don't have a story."

        "Yeah you do. Everyone does." Liam said carelessly. "Like why you're running away for example. Did you kill someone?"

        She gaped at him, astonished and then giggled. He was strange. "No." She paused and then considered. "But I wish I had."

        "Who do you wish you killed?" he inquired blandly.

        "A girl," she muttered, a bitter taste flooding her teeth. "This girl I know."

        "Tell us, Liz." Anne said her name with such love, such warmth, that Liz's insides felt as if they'd been exposed to sunshine. She gazed into the rainy night, the road stretching ahead of her like a ribbon into nowhere. There was a long way to go before they reached San Francisco. She had all night.

        "Ok," she responded softly. "I'll tell you the story. Isabel and I met a long time ago. It wasn't really us that met. Her brother and I did, and we fell in love. It was that fairy tale thing- we thought we were soul mates." She paused and choked back a laugh. "How wrong we were. He had this whole other future- a destiny, that didn't involve me. This girl came to town a year after we met. She was blonde. Pretty. Little and cute and nothing like me. I guess I should have known it would be a case of out with the old and in with the new, but I never really did. Max- he kissed her and said it didn't mean anything. He dreamt about her and said it didn't mean anything. But it did. I knew it... so I let him- let him go. We were caught, in some sort of suffocating non-relationship for a year. Until he slept with her- her name was Tess."

        Saying that name still made Liz's tongue recoil, but she had learned to bore it- and swallowed back the sting of tears. She hadn't wept over Tess and Max in years. She had had more important things to worry about. Taking a long sip of milk, she wiped the excess from her lips and continued, "She got pregnant and I... I messed around with Sean, and I tried to forget Max and I made everything worse. He wanted to get back together with me when Tess left- but I couldn't. I guess I just couldn't forget the facts- that he had sex with her- after I saved myself for him. I did so many things for her and he just ran off to be with Tess." Liz's lips twisted. "After that I moved to California. I got accepted to UCLA and it seemed like a good enough idea at the time. Get away from Roswell, get away from everyone. But Isabel... she followed me. I guess she wanted to get away to. I tried to avoid her. I didn't want anyone around that reminded me of Max. But when we all got together for Michael and Maria's wedding... we talked."

        Liz could still recall it so vividly. Funny, the memories of her time with Max- those brief months full of shining eyes and soft teeth- they were a blur. None of the images seemed to connect in her brain. But with Isabel- every second spent with that women was carved on her heart. The markings burned every time she breathed.

        ("I thought you'd find it hard to be here tonight," Isabel said softly, drinking her vodka and lime with an absent mouth.

        Liz's answering smile was more a reflex than an expression of any happiness or humour. "I don't. I'm here for Maria. That's all that's important to me."

        "I don't notice her taking much notice of you," Isabel noted, glancing off with wry amusement at the newlyweds, who were cuddled together on a single chair, kissing and laughing. It hurt Liz's whole body just to look at them. Of course she was glad for them- she had said so in the card she penned that morning- so why did she feel so nauseous?

        "She doesn't have to," the dark haired girl answered defensively. "This is her day, for crissakes. Give her a break, Isabel."

        Isabel raised her perfectly curved eyebrows. "I didn't know I wasn't. Aren't you being a little sensitive."

        She felt the tears in her eyes before she saw them clouding her vision, and cursed Max Evans and his stupid stupid need for the blonde alien. She felt a hand on her back. "Let's get out of here," Isabel whispered, as if they were sharing a naughty secret. "We'll get something fattening and drink and stay out late.")

        "I was already in love with her by then," Liz admitted, smiling unwittingly at the recollection. "I just didn't know it myself until later."

        Silence fell in the car, broken only by the pounding off the rain which sounded oddly far away. Liz stared out into the endless road and forest, trying to see what the signs were saying that they passed.

        "Aren't you going to tell us more?" Liam asked curiously.

        "When you guys return the favour. Tell me a story," Liz invited. "I need to concentrate on driving a little. The rain is getting bad." So was her arm. It throbbed in an angry beat down her wrist, as if men with drums were stationed just below her flesh. Wondering if they could stop for some Tylenol, she listened as Liam spoke.

        "We'll tell you about our friends, right Anne?"

        "Which friends?" Anne replied in a bored tone, blowing smoke out the window. Her blonde hair glistened in the rain.

        "Buffy and Angel," Liam said, his half smile slight. "Let's tell her about them."

"Buffy and Angel?" Liz repeated Liam's words, cocking her head to the side. "who were they?"

        "Friends of ours," Liam replied, smiling slightly, his teeth glinting in the dim light of the car. "They had kind of a Romeo and Juliet romance."

        Liz shuddered-- (I don't want to die for you, Max...) "I hope nothing bad happened to them," she said softly, and Anne blew smoke at her, laughing caustically.

        "They were no Romeo and Juliet."

        "Let Liz decide," Liam snapped back, laying his fingers on the dark haired girl's arm. Liz felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. His thumb rubbed back and forth across her aching veins. She felt light-headed. "What do you say?" he asked.

        "Sure," she responded dizzily, gazing out into the northern skies, still tumbling down rain. "I want to hear their story."

~~~

        "Buffy and Angel met a long time ago," Liam began. "He saw her in the sunlight and fell in love with her instantly. It was fated, he thought. She was a bit of a bubble-headed ditz back then, but Angel saw something in her that was special. They met in a dark ally- and taunted each other with words that meant nothing and everything all at once. She wasn't frightened of him. She had so much power, that Buffy. Angel was scared of her. She chased him and made him hers. I guess you could say they were destined. Their first kiss was dark and hungry in ways she or he could ever have guessed. Most nights they would fight and spar, because both of them were angry at each other for feelings they knew they shouldn't be having. After all, they were from different sides of the proverbial tracks. Buffy wasn't going anywhere, and neither was he. But they couldn't go into nowhere together- that was understood. Both of them were messes without each other, and it was a pretty messy situation when they were together as well.

        "You see, Angel couldn't have sex. When he did, he lost it- went quite literally, evil. But he loved Buffy too much to be sensible. Neither of them could control themselves around each other, and that scared the shit out of him too. Buffy was more innocent, and I suppose she never knew the exact repercussions of their relationship would be. One night, they made love, and it was beautiful and she was beautiful, and Angel's soul soared. He loved her and she loved him and it made him think they could have that happily ever after. He was wrong. Pain woke him the next morning, and it definitely had a hold on him for a long time after. He turned into a monster, and in that moment, Buffy and he were lost forever.

        "He tried to kill her and her friends over the months that followed. And she tried to kill him. But Buffy never could kill Angel- she just had too soft a heart, and since most of it was his, it made murder a little difficult. Until one night, he went too far. She knew what she had to do- and she was right. The world would be better off without that guy, let me tell you. Her friend - who was an amateur Wiccan, found a spell that would set things to right, but it worked too late. He had set forth a chain of events that could only be stopped with his blood so—"

        "So she told him she loved him..." Anne broke in with a strange note to her usually bored voice. "And she kissed him and she killed him."

        Liz gaped at them both with her huge dark eyes and sighed, "Wow. That's horrible... is it the end?"

        "You could say it was..." Liam muttered. "But no. Their story went on, as every story does. There is no real end."

        "What happened after that?" Liz inquired.

        "I want to hear more of your story first," Liam answered.

        "How are you feeling, Liz?" Anne asked softly.

        "Fine," Liz replied, although that wasn't strictly true. Her head was aching with an insistent pressure- and a fever was building in the fire of her temples. Her arm throbbed more than ever, and for the life of her she couldn't recall when she had hurt it. Of course, sometimes Liz couldn't remember a lot of things. Her skin felt clammy, and she could feel sweat running down the length of her spine. "I'm fine. Where was I?"

        "You were already in love with that bitch, Isabel," Liam informed her, and Liz laughed quietly.

        "Thanks for the support... but she wasn't really a bitch, not really." She was lying, and she knew it. Isabel was a bitch- she always had been. So why did I love her? She wondered and continued on where she left off.

        "We got an apartment together after Michael and Maria's wedding. It was an expensive place, but we both had jobs so we could pull it off. Sometimes we'd lie on the roof and watch the stars. Isabel had a connection with them, you see. I think she felt her home was up there... lost in the sky somewhere. She never was from around here. She was like a Goddess. We kissed for the first time on one of those nights. She reached over to get a drink and her arm brushed mine and it was inevitable. We kissed and we fell in love and that was that. We were together constantly after that, but we didn't tell anyone about it. Max was her brother and he would have had a heart attack if he found out I was sleeping with his sister." Liz paused, and took a bite from one of the vanilla cookies. She considered a moment and then said, "He never wanted me to be happy without him. He preferred us all to be miserable if we couldn't have each other. Although he was perfectly content to go off with Tess while I stayed alone. That was Max's way.

        "Maria found out eventually. I was so ridiculously happy I guess, and I never could hide it from her. She was a little freaked out at first, cause me and her had always been so intimidated by Isabel in High School. I still was, in a way, but it was tempered by love. Isabel would always talk to me about the world... how it had started, how it was going to end. She convinced me though that our love would last... that even after everything was gone away, our love would be left." Liz laughed bitterly, and re-focused on the road ahead of her. A single unbroken white line which winded around them as if it was spinning a dream. She felt hypnotised by it- by its unending path into darkness. "She was lying to me, then, I guess. But she never could face the truth. She liked her fairy tales."

        "I bet you caught her screwing someone else, didn't you?" Liam said with a colourful rage deepening his voice.

        "Sort of," Liz answered.

        "We have to stop," Liam replied, pointing to something in the trees. "We have to visit my mother."

        "Your mother?" Liz said and felt her forehead. It was cold, bubbling with even colder sweat. "Where does she live?"

        "A little way up the road. Let's stop first. We'll get some food."

        They pulled off at a little stop and go, and Liam got out to pump some gas into the car. "Do you want anything?" Liz inquired, turning around to look at Anne, startled once more by the girl's beauty.

        "Maybe later," Anne said softly, and lit another smoke.

        "Are you feeling ok?"

        "I always feel the same," Anne paused between quiet drags off the cigarette. "What about you?"

        "Actually, I have a fever, I think," Liz chuckled. "Must be the rain from earlier. I hope it'll be daylight soon. The coast road is beautiful, and we're missing it."

        "The ocean always looks the same," Anne coughed and waved her arm a bit to get rid of the smoke. "It's black, inside and out." Suddenly she said, "You should worry about yourself, Liz. You don't."

        "What are you talking about?" Liz countered, meeting the shock of the girls' cat eyes. They stared unblinkingly at her.

        "Why are you running away from home?"

        "I'm not," Liz said, furious. "I'm visiting someone. But it's none of your business anyway, Anne. I don't know what your problem is, and I don't want to know."

        "My problems aren't important."

        "Why are you even with Liam? You don't seem to like him very much," Liz pointed out and a small smile touched Anne's pink mouth. It shone from the light of the gas station's sign.

        "I care about him. Besides, I have no choice. I'll always be with him, one way or another. But we're not involved, if that's what you want to know. If you're interested."

        "I'm not interested in you," Liz said coldly, and Anne glanced at her with apparent boredom.

        "I was talking about Liam. He'd be lucky to have you. You're a pretty girl, Liz."

        "No, I'm not," Liz answered, embarrassed.

        "Why do you say that?"

        "Because it's the truth."

        Anne touched her own face and tilted her head back to rest against the back of the seat. "You didn't say it because you want me to argue with you?"

        Liz had the sensation of someone walking over her grave. The person was not trodding lightly, that was for certain. "No. I wonder what's taking Liam so long?"

        "He always takes a long time," Anne replied, a weird note to her tone. She glanced out the window, at the black Pacific. "But he'll be back eventually."

        And so he was. Liam climbed back in the car a few seconds later, laden down with bags. Handing Anne some cigarettes and oddly, some ice cream, he then set down a pack of beer for himself and some milk and candy for Liz.

        "Cookie dough fudge mint chip," Anne whispered suddenly. "Thank you."

        Liam shrugged, something entering his eyes that Liz had never seen before. Was it tenderness? She couldn't be sure. "No problem."

        Liz pulled away from the curb and ignored the pounding in her arm. It hurt just enough to make her feel a little sick, but she was determined not to be a baby. An alien had hurt her, she could deal with this.

        "Turn off here."

        Liam pointed to a nearly hidden road in the thick dense trees. "What's here?"

        "My mother's," he responded lightly.

        The road was winding upwards, a thin ribbon to Hell. The angry ocean lashed at the rocks on one side of them, while the forest and the cliffs rose with looming force on the other side.

        "What does she do?" Liz asked, and caught sight of a large grey castle nearly hidden by the lancing rain. It made her catch her breath.

        "She's a fortune teller," Liam responded, and Anne snorted.

        "What's your problem?" he snapped, glaring at her.

        "She can't read the future," Anne smiled. It wasn't a nice smile. "She can only read the past."

        "We can learn from the past," Liz said suddenly, and rubbed her aching wrist. Her flesh was sweating, and she felt as if she was going to throw up. Tossing back some Tylenol, she prayed for it to stop. Maybe it would soon. Sure, she lied to herself enough... what was one more?

        "Right," Liam said, grinning at Liz. "She's right. You just don't want to see her cause she'll be able to tell what a freak you are, Anne."

        "You can always tell a freak by the company he or she keeps," Anne quipped and turned back to the window to stare at the bolts of lightening illuminating the sea. "Besides, I don't want to see her. I already know my past."

        "I don't think you do," Liam snarled, and Liz was surprised at the feral anger in his voice. Anne looked disinterested as they pulled into the castle's gates.

        Liam held out a hand to Liz, who took it without hesitation. She wanted to see inside this place. Anne stayed in the car, saying quietly, "Be careful, Liz."

        "I will be," the dark haired girl said, Liam's fingers cold around hers. She thought of Isabel's warm skin and turned her face to the rain.

        "I want to learn my past."

Metal scraped against metal as Liam opened the door and stepped inside with Liz clutching his hand. She was frightened. Her mind was swirling with visions of bats and moats, of fairy tales filled with cold blood and nightmares. This was a castle, and it scared her.

        "What are we doing here?" she whispered to the quiet man beside her. His pale skin was swallowed by the rich darkness.

        "Seeing my Mother."

        "Why does she live in this place?" Liz questioned, brushing away a cobweb that filtered over her face with stringy intent.

        Liam looked amused, a small smile played on his lips. "I don't know. I think she enjoys the darkness. Anyway, I call her Mother. We're close, but my own mother died a long time ago."

        Liz's heart was touched- she hated that. Her softness. Isabel always affectionately called it her little downfall. "You're too good," she'd murmur when they lay in bed together and talked about their day. Her voice always held a thread of irritation as she said it- as if Liz's innate goodness annoyed her. Liz suspected Isabel thought it was a weakness. And she was right.

        "Maybe we should have called first," she said to him and he laughed quietly.

        "No. She'll know we're coming. She reads her own fortune every morning- so she knows exactly who'll be arriving."

        They entered, finally, a large library stacked floor to ceiling with huge dusty tomes. A woman sat at a table in the center of it. Crammed on every surface were objects Liz could barely recognize or defy. She had wild images of foreign bazaars where anything might be sold or bartered for. A Tibetan prayer wheel, a silver bell used to ward away evil spirits, huge charts with stars and symbols and planets not known to normal mankind. Liz felt dizzy- as if the room was going to choke her. She glanced at the woman, and felt even more faint.

        Her hair was long and heavy, white- as was her dress. But her lips were blood red, curved, into a smile of welcome- that somehow reeked of evil. The lines in her face looked etched- as old as time itself. The years had obviously not been kind, and Liz knew, whatever this woman said- she wouldn't want to hear.

        They sat down on two wooden stools at her beckoning. "Hello," Liz said, her voice chafing with dryness. She coughed slightly and glanced at Liam, who gazed casually at the hag.

        "Hello Mother," he greeted her, crossing his legs and looking around the room with disinterest.

        "Your name, child?" the old woman asked.

        "Liz," she responded, hesitating. "Liz Parker."

        As she began to prepare the chart, Liz whispered to Liam, "Doesn't she need to know when I was born?"

        "No," he murmured back. "The years are all the same. She doesn't do the normal astrological chart."

        After a while, the woman sat back and turned her blue eyes on Liz, who stared back- more out of fear than any courage.

        "You have been with others all your life, but yet feel alone in your struggles. One of your friends died, and you still feel great pain over your failure to save him. Your parents try hard to understand you, but do not. For a long time you thought you loved a boy, but you couldn't have him, and this suited you. For you'd rather dream than do. However, you have a very analytical mind, and your talent in the sciences is vast, for you plan everything. It is in your nature to be controlling- but you hide it well.

        "Messiness scares you. You like things to be neat. The woman you are with, her coldness- it suited you. But you were also frightened by the fire you sensed at her core. She was too much for you. But you two had a great love- and still do. Your friends- their relationship- you never wanted anything like that. Their love was too volatile for your nature- and you feared them, which is why you always discouraged her from following her heart's path.

        "But you suffer. For you can not find someone who will love you always, with no conditions. Neither the boy nor the girl could do this for you." She paused, and gazed at the dark haired girl. "Am I not correct, Liz Parker?"

        "Yes," Liz whispered, the coldness seeping into her bones bubbling with sweat. She felt sick, and her arm throbbed. How did this woman know so much? How could she... know?

        "Why..." she trailed off and considered. She wanted to know- of her past. The past that was dead. "Why did Isabel leave me?"

        "Because you were too much for her as well," the old woman replied. "She wanted what was safe and comfortable... and she couldn't be sure you'd always give her that security."

        Liz wished she hadn't asked. "But... I loved her."

        "And she loved you, child. But she was scared of that love. She didn't know it... she couldn't recognize it. So she chose what was safe. She chose her past. She thought she wanted to move on, and do great things, but in the end, she could not. Your goodness scared her... she feared that softness within you."

        "You always bring it back to fear," Liz stammered, and the witch leaned closer to her. Liz could smell the copper on her breath and wondered if she had a mouth full of blood. If it was going to drip past her teeth and stain her chin red.

        "What do you fear, Liz?"

        "You tell me."

        "You are afraid to be alone. You are afraid that you will not be understood, that you will not be listened to. You are afraid you will never find love- true abiding love- and that dreams will have to suffice you until death." She stopped and then cocked her head. "How much do you want to spend tonight, Liz?"

        "I don't understand what you're asking," the girl replied, her skin and heart and ribs shaking with terror. This place horrified her.

        "What you have done determines where you are going," the woman said obliquely, and then touched the crackling parchment with the chart embedded upon it. "Do you wish me to speak of the future?"

        "No," Liz stood up, trembling. Her arm was stinging bloody murder, and she just wanted to run. "No, I don't."

        She turned and strode out of the room, only stopping when Liam grabbed her arm. "Hey," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry she upset you."

        "Why did you bring me here?" she shouted at him, wishing she could hear the rain outside, or the crashing waves. Anything but the suffocating stillness.

        "Because I thought it would be good for you. I was wrong. Come on, Lizzie. Let me show you where I stay when I'm here."

        She let him lead her further into the castle, until they reached a room where the fire shone in the hearth and the bed was turned down with rich velvet sheets. Liam picked up a bottle of wine and poured some of the liquid into two glasses. He gave one to her, and she looked at it with trepidation. "I shouldn't drink. I'm driving, remember."

        "Never mind that. It will help you. Make you feel better."

        She was shaken. "How do you know how I feel?"

        "I know your wrist hurts," he brushed a kiss to her temple. "I know you feel sick to your stomach. I know because I know everything." He lifted the glass to her lips and made her drink. It slipped down her throat like orange juice and felt like human blood. She laughed as it curled around her belly, making the nausea vanish and the aching in her arm recede.

        "Mm... it's good," she mumbled and felt his kiss on her mouth. He tasted of wine and then his arms were around her. She fell back on the bed and lay still, staring at the ceiling, as the salty wind from the open window as he kissed her all over, and the beverage in his mouth darkened her skin so it appeared she was bleeding and that she was being eaten by the man making love to her. She laughed and cried, images of Isabel glowing behind her eyelids, and of Anne, sitting alone in the car beside the rocky cliffs.

        She slept, and dreamed. She couldn't remember everything she'd done that night- couldn't recall if Liam had slammed into her with enough force to split her in two- couldn't remember why Isabel was gone- but she told herself- it didn't matter.

        Nothing mattered.

~~~

        It was Anne's turn to talk. She began to speak as they drove, and Liz shifted, uncomfortable. She couldn't really pinpoint what had happened in the old hag's castle, just that Liam had shook her awake and told her they needed to get going. She wasn't sure what time it was. The sky was still black as pitch and it rumbled with a stormy force.

        "After she killed Angel, Buffy ran away," Anne said softly, for once she had no cigarette in her mouth. "She went to Los Angeles, because she figured it would be big enough to get lost in, and no one would ever find her there. She waitressed and was unhappy and threw up every night. She had horrible dreams about her dead lover. Mostly they involved her murdering him over and over again, and that was enough to keep anyone up at night. For many reasons, at the end of the summer she decided to return. It was rough going at first- her friends were not very understanding, and life was difficult. But she got by- she always did. Until he came back. It was never really explained why, but he was returned to her, and Buffy didn't know what to do. She knew her friends would be furious, so she hid him, and that made everything into a mess.

        "Perhaps she should have stayed away. She knew he was trouble. But she loved him so much that sometimes it seemed a small price to pay. They broke up more times than either could count, but eventually, they always returned to each other. It wasn't sex that brought them together- God knows, they couldn't have any. It was something else- simple love. True love. They just loved each other- and that should have been enough, but it never was.

        "Angel left Buffy right after her High School graduation. He cited many reasons for the breakup- he couldn't give her sex, he couldn't give her normalcy. Her heart broke in the worst way, but she put up a wall and got by. No one really cared if she hurt, so she chose not to care as well. Angel went to LA- funny isn't it- the place Buffy escaped to as well- and he made a new life. One that didn't include Buffy. They met a few times after that, but she had a boyfriend and her mother died, and she got a new sister, and things were hard enough without old wounds. " Anne sighed, and touched her hair with a hand that Liz could see was shaking. "They still loved each other... sort of. But it had been so many years, and things weren't simple anymore. So they lost each other. In different ways."

        She stopped, and Liz murmured impatiently, "What happened?"

        "Lots of things," Anne answered. "None of them good. But I want to hear more from you."

        "Yeah, tell us more," Liam spoke for the first time, and Liz glanced at him, scared. She wished they hadn't kissed on those wine stained sheets. She liked him. But she still wanted Isabel. God, she still wanted Isabel. That bitch from Hell. She hated her.

        "All right," she began softly, watching the clouds soar in the sky, the road blur before her. Her stomach was aching so badly she was afraid she was going to throw up, but something drove her on. "Isabel and I were as happy as we could be for a while. For a year. It was a dream for me, because I'd never been a relationship that wasn't doomed, and I thought... finally I'd made it. That is... until Max came to visit. I think I knew it was the beginning of the end. You see... although Max always said I was his one true love, his heart was always Isabel's. She was like that- she demanded total devotion. And she got it. From me, from Max, from a lot of people. But none more than him. He loved her so much." Her voice broke and she could feel her eyes go damp.

        "They kept going on the beach for long talks. Nothing was really strained between Max and I at that point- we just didn't talk that much, and he had his own life. I had mine, and I so no reason for them to mingle anymore. But he had a hold over Isabel that I should have known was stronger than us. I remember exactly how it happened...

        ("What's wrong?" Liz asked her lover as they lay on the rooftop. She was glad Max was gone out for the night.

        "Nothing," Isabel answered. Her voice was distant. "Nothing."

        "Nothing?" Liz swallowed. She had never said 'nothing' like that before. Even when she talked about the world ending, she said there would be something left. Liz turned to the blonde alien and touched her arm. The skin quivered underneath her fingertips. "Does this 'nothing' have a name?"

        Isabel shuddered. "Yes."

        "Do I know his name?"

        "Yes," she said again and Liz rolled away, clutching her stomach, which suddenly felt as if it had been slit down the center, allowing her guts to spill out onto the stone floor. The burning candle beside them flickered and went out. She wanted to scream.

        "You're going home, aren't you?"

        "Yes," Isabel murmured, and sat up. Her voice was strained. "Max found a way. Another way. I'm..." she paused and then laughed. A short bitter laugh. "No, I won't even say I'm sorry. It's too insulting to you. I can't... I can't not go with Max, Liz. He's my home. He's always been my home."

        "You love him more than me," Liz moaned and stood up, wobbling on knees gone to mush.

        Isabel stared at her, and seemed to flinch. "I don't. I love you both... in different ways."

        "Get away from me," Liz muttered, stumbling as she headed for the stairs. "Get the hell away from me.")

        "What happened next?" Liam said in a soft tone.

        Liz wiped her eyes and felt the salty burn on her aching wrist. "I went over to Max's hotel room a while later, after a long walk on the beach. The door was unlocked. I took... I took a knife." She gulped. "I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to kill him. I walked in and saw them... lying curled together on the couch, asleep. I thought about slamming the knife into their hearts- making them pay. I'd never... I'd never felt that much hatred. They looked so content. But I didn't. I dropped the knife, ran home, packed my bag and got in the car. You know the rest."

        The car was silent for a long time.

        "We have to stop and see my father," Anne informed them after hazy moments. Liz wanted to snarl at her. The pain in her wrist and stomach and head was so bad she felt like dying. She had the flu, she was certain of it. Or maybe it was just heart break pain. Whatever it was, it was making her feel blurry.

        "I don't want to," she said coldly, and Anne looked straight at her in the rearview mirror.

        "It would be good for you to see him."

        "Why?"

        "Because he could hear your confession."

        She felt a chill run through her and breathed; "I have nothing to tell."

        "Just stop at the church. Get your strength back. You may need it," Anne cautioned her.

        "For what?" Liz asked.

        "Who knows?" Anne replied, and pointed to a tunnel of trees. "It's there. Follow the road."

        Liz steered into the path that Anne had indicated, and wondered why she hadn't seen any cars in a while. She also wondered why her body was so sweaty. Her palms were dripping over the steer wheel with perspiration. She glanced at Liam, and then at Anne, whose blonde hair looked like gold.

        They stopped finally at a huge church with steeples and turrets. It looked like a huge grey maze and Liz's belly squeezed.

        Anne held out a hand to her. "Let's go."

        Liz walked up to the cathedral with Anne, glancing at the girl's fall of thick blonde hair.

        "Don't talk to any of the people in the church except me and the Priest," Anne cautioned her, her face pelted by raindrops that she didn't seem to feel.

        "Why not?"

        "Just trust me. It would be better if you listen to me."

        "Are Buffy and Angel real people?" Liz inquired, changing the subject abruptly. It was a question that had been bothering her for a while. She hoped they weren't. So much pain... for two people to have gone through.

        "Together- yes. Apart... no," Anne replied, closing her eyes. She touched Liz's arm gently, and once more, the dark haired girl got the sensation of sunshine flooding her insides with pleasant warmth. Anne's caress seemed to make the pain recede.

        As they walked through the gardens, the smell of millions of wildflowers reached Liz's nose, and she breathed, feeling it fill her with scent. For one moment she wished she could just lie down and let them wash over her- let them drown her. She was so tired. She knew she'd have to pull over soon at a hotel and sleep. There had been no sleep since Isabel had bit into her heart and split it down the middle. She stumbled, and pressed a shaking hand to her forehead. Her wrist was killing her. Her stomach was bubbling and hissing, like a cauldron of horrors. "I feel sick," she whispered to Anne, who gazed at her, helping her along.

        "I know. But my father will help to ease it, if you'll let him."

        "Is he really your father?"

        "No," Anne responded, and smiled slightly. "But he is in my heart. He can help you, Liz."

        "Why do I need help?" she asked as they entered an archway and came across a Catholic Mass in progress. Dozens of people shimmered in front of her, listening to the Priest thundering out his sermon. Anne led her to a small wooden confessional, and suddenly tugged Liz into her arms and hugged her.

        "Open yourself to him, Liz," she murmured, stroking the girl's hair. "Let him know you- tell him everything. Don't be afraid. Be honest. Be brave."

        Liz stared at her, and then turned, opening the door, and stepping inside the confessional. It was small, and filled with dim light. A small stained glass window embossed with a picture of Jesus let in a sliver of sunshine, which surprised Liz- she hadn't known the sun was coming up. The priest sat in a chair by the window, and he looked up as she sat across from him.

        "Hello," he greeted her, his hair white and his eyes kind.

        "Hello. Anne... she wanted me to come and talk to you. Truthfully, I don't know why. I don't want to waste your time."

        His smile was faint as he responded, "Don't you want to talk to me, Liz?"

        She was startled. "Did Anne call and tell you we were coming?"

        "In a manner of speaking," he answered vaguely, and closed the thick tome he had been reading. His skin almost glowed- and she watched him as he moved a little closer to her. "But I know a lot about you. It's my business to know- so please don't be frightened."

        She felt uneasy, but couldn't really let herself sink into it. The little room held such a warm and loving atmosphere that it was almost golden. She wasn't scared. "I don't know where to begin."

        He folded his hands and nodded. "Let me help you. I understand you recently had a relationship end with a young woman. Why don't you tell me about that?"

        Liz felt her eyes go wet and she cursed her weakness. When would the tears over Isabel end? "All right. Her name is Isabel- but I call her 'Bel." She paused and considered, "That's the first time I've told anyone that. She and I have known each other for a long time, but we fell in love a short while ago. Her brother took her away from me." She gulped back a sob and felt her chest squeeze. "That's about it."

        "Why was her brother able to take her away?" he asked quietly.

        "I..." Liz trailed off and bit her lip, tasting blood. "I don't know. Maybe because... he always had her heart. In a way I never did. Because they come from the same place- a place I know nothing about. But I loved her. I did. I still do."

        "I don't doubt it," he answered sympathetically. "What did she do for you, Liz?"

        It was an odd question, but what about this night wasn't odd? She thought for a moment, of Isabel, and their short relationship. She thought of the stars, and the rooftop, and the taste of her sweat. "She loved me," Liz replied. "She loved me and made me into something. Max always made me a part of him- an extension of his self... but Bel... she loved me for me. She loved me when I was just Liz. She gave me that, I suppose. And then... she took it away. She was always able to do that."

        "Do what?" he asked gently.

        "Take things away," she said blankly, her eyes far away, lost in dreams. "Isabel is the Queen of Restraint. Of denial. She just hides things away... and she hides away. She doesn't like reality. And I guess... maybe I was too much reality for her. She preferred the safety of Max."

        The Priest gazed at her for a moment. "How did you feel when you found them?"

        She placed a hand on her stomach, which was throbbing a vengeance. She felt faintly dizzy- a little blurry... like she was going to pass out. "I felt sick," she told him softly. "I felt like I wanted to kill them. But I... I realized I wasn't a killer. I got embarrassed. I dropped that knife and ran out."

        "Are you running away from home?" he inquired.

        "Yes," she said.

        "Do you know where you're going?"

        "No," she answered. "No, I don't."

        "You're going nowhere," he stated, his eyes pinpricks of light.

        She was surprised, and laughed shortly. "I suppose I'll end up somewhere. I just don't know where, yet."

        "I don't think so, Liz," he shook his head. "You're in trouble, Liz. You've got nowhere to go."

        She couldn't breathe. His head seemed to shrink in the line of her pupils, and she stared, watching his features wobble and melt. Her temples throbbed with the kind of angry pain she knew well- the same ache as her wrist. "What are you talking about?" she questioned, furious. "I dropped the knife and I ran away. I haven't done anything wrong."

        "Are you sure you dropped the knife?" he asked her, his words ramming into her shaking skin.

        "Yes," she informed him firmly. "I wouldn't lie. I dropped it."

        He sighed, and touched the Bible with his strong fingers. "The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. We lie because we're scared- scared of what we've done, and where we're going. Don't lie to yourself, Liz."

        "I'm not!" she cried, jumping up, and slamming her elbow into the hard wooden door. "I can't tell you what I don't remember!"

        He looked interested. "What don't you remember?"

        She felt as if she was going to throw up and panicked. "I can't remember what I did with the knife!"

        "Let me tell you," he said urgently, but she held her stomach, shaking her head.

        "No, no...I didn't do anything wrong. I'm leaving," she sobbed, and ran from the little gold room with the shining eyes and the dusty Bibles. Anne chased after her, through the flower strewn garden, to the car. Liz was focused on the vehicle. She needed to get away.

        "What happened?" Anne gasped.

        "Nothing. I just found out the road ahead is blocked. We'll be able to break through though."

        "That's what they all think," Anne muttered, but followed her into the car.

~~~

        It was pouring rain again. It tumbled over the windshield- yet Liz could see a faint hint of light up ahead. Dawn was coming, and she was glad. Let this night be over. They were driving faster now.

        Anne smoked in the back, looking bored. Liam was silent, until he said, "We'll be there soon."

        She turned onto a road- Bardos Lane. "Where are we going?"

        "Your place," he responded, and she swallowed.

        The road led nowhere, the Priest had said.

        Nowhere.

        "I live the other way."

        She was in trouble.

        "We'll be there soon," he repeated.

        Because she had done something wrong. With the knife.

        "No," she protested weakly.

        Who was really bleeding? Who had she cut with the knife?

        "I live three hundred miles from here!" she yelled.

        "Get real," Anne said softly, not maliciously.

        Bardos Lane. Border Lane.

        Liz felt her insides convulse. "I don't want to go home."

        Border World. Bardos.

        "Here we are," Liam said, and the car slowed.

~~~

        Liam helped Liz out of the car, and Anne held her arm. She could barely walk. Her wrist didn't really hurt anymore, but her head did, as did her belly. She felt like she had swallowed cough syrup, and it was winding around her muscles, creamy and sweet and sick. Like blood.

        "Where are we?" she coughed, as they lay her down on a couch in the familiar room.

        Liam smiled slightly, although Anne's eyes looked as full of misery as a reddened sun- setting over a dying planet.

        Water was running in the next room. "Turn that off, would you?" Liz muttered, her hand clutching her forehead. "it's giving me a headache. I need an aspirin."

        "You need more than that," Anne murmured, as Liam broke in;

        "Only you can turn the water off."

        "What are you talking about?"

        "I have something to show you," Liam replied, as Anne helped her sit up, although it was hard. Every movement felt as if it was done in slow motion. Liam popped a tape into the VCR and suddenly Liz saw herself.

        Taking a bath. Naked.

        She couldn't muster enough energy to be outraged. "What am I doing?"

        "Just watch," Anne said tenderly, and brushed a kiss to her brow.

        So much pain on the girl's face. She held a knife to her wrist. Blood started to gush as she lay back in the tub, her hair fanning around her like a dark halo. Water slopped over the sides of the bath, but it wasn't entirely clear. It ran slightly pink.

        Suddenly it came to Liz. This whole night. There were no enchanted castles and cathedrals with priests who can tell the past. Those things didn't exist on planet earth. "I killed myself," she said.

        "Yes," Anne acknowledged, her voice laden with agony.

        "Am I dead?"

        "Almost," Liam replied, regret evident in his tone. He motioned to the green garment bag he carried. "This is for you."

        No wonder her wrist hurt. She remembered then- opening the vein and thinking of Isabel. Always Isabel. "Who are you two?" she asked weakly.

        "My name is Buffy," Anne said. "Buffy Anne Summers. That's Angel- he was called Liam a long time ago."

        "You're both dead?"

        "Yes," Liam answered. "Buffy died saving her sister a few years ago. I died in a random fight- but I suppose..." he trailed off and eyed them both. "I suppose I gave up when she died. I didn't want to live anymore."

        "Why are you here?" Liz inquired, lying back, her bones stinging. Her heart was running out of blood to pump, and she didn't think she'd be here long. No more skirting the edge- she'd be on the other side soon. Full of regrets. Full of Isabel.

        "He was here to tempt you," Anne raised an eyebrow and smiled- the first genuine smile Liz had ever caught on her face. "Or so he likes to think. I was here to help you- to guide you. But you didn't really want help, Liz. I don't blame you- I never wanted it either."

        "But I don't understand...how you could have helped me? Didn't I make the decision to die... isn't that the end?"

        Liam sat down next to her. "Bardos is the realm between the living and the dead. "Sometimes people get caught in it- because they aren't meant to die, just yet. And you weren't, Liz. You have choices here. Tonight was for making them." He leaned close and whispered, "We didn't make love, you know. Just so you know."

        She blushed and nodded. "I didn't think so."

        Anne stood over them, her hands on her hips. "You made the wrong choices, Liz. But... everyone does. A long time ago... someone told us... Angel and I... that together we were strong, and alone we were dead. But he ignored that and in effect, he killed us both...so you see? How easy it is...?

        Liam gripped Anne's arm, and shook her, spinning her around to face him. "I never wanted to leave you," he murmured.

        She scowled. "Do you have to play the devil every night? Can't we... can't we let go... and go into whatever light together? Forgive yourself... I forgave you ages ago. I still love you, Angel. Do you love me?"

        He stared down into her eyes, and then whispered, "Buffy, you know I love you."

        Liz watched as they kissed, and it was beautiful. They were beautiful together- she wondered why she hadn't seen it before. Tears flowed past her eyes, and dripped like blood onto the carpet. "I'm going to die," she said blankly, and it sounded like gibberish.

        "There's still time. You just have to forgive, Liz." Liam clasped Anne's hands in his, and they both touched her.

        "Dream, darling," Anne soothed, and there was a glow. "Dream of things you don't want to leave behind, and we will try and bring you into the somewhere you are seeking."

        "Thank you," Liz mumbled, and she closed her eyes.

~~~

        She lived.

        Her wrist healed, but her heart never did. Every so often, she recalled the strangest of dreams... and wondered... was someone watching over her? Did a love shine so bright in the heavens that it could touch her down on earth? She wondered if she'd ever be able to get past Isabel, and Max, and Roswell.

        She decided she would... because she knew- somehow she knew- that it was better to forgive, and to love- than to try and forget and be caught in a web of events she knew she'd be powerless to stop.

        Years later, she travelled to a place called Sunnydale for work. Liz loved exploring, so she visited the burnt High School, the library, and the old archives. She found yearbooks, and was strangely drawn to one in particular. Class of '99. Inside, she found a picture of a young couple. Her hair was blonde, his dark. She was tanned, he was pale. Their eyes were sad, and they held onto each other as if nothing could ever separate them. But somehow she knew... something had.

        "Did you find what you were looking for?" the librarian asked her.

        She glanced at his nametag, and smiled. "Yes thank you, Mr. Giles. These people..."

        He glanced down at the picture and his mouth tightened, as if he was in pain. "Yes... that would be Buffy and Angel. Did you... did you know them?"

        "No," she responded. She was puzzled. Every curve of their bodies, every line of their misery spoke to her. "But they're familiar."

        She smiled, wider this time. Their love had survived, she knew. Even if their bodies had died.

        "They look like people I knew."

        End.

        The book is "Road to Nowhere" by Christopher Pike. If you read it, you'll find I left some stuff out, and kept a lot of it. I kept some original lines, and made some of my own. Remember, it's an excellent book! You must read it now. He gets all the credit!