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Title:
"Blood Ties"
Author: Mere (mere@machajwai.net)
Content: Non-explicit slash, angst, AU-ish. PG.
Distribution: Just ask me first. Otherwise, it'll be up
at http://www.machajwai.net/
Disclaimer: I don't own Isabel, or Tess, or Nasedo, or
Max, or Roswell, or anything, really. Spoilers: All of
the first season and second season through 'Surprise' -
includes the Skins, Vilandra and her betrayal, but NOT
the dupes or Nicholas or Kivar.
Author's Note: Props to Whirling Girl and her mad beta
skills!
Weak, he said she was,
special but fragile and lost without her memory. She did
remember the other time - vividly and not often - but
when she told him that he didn't believe her. He thought
she was making it up to please him, and she would have
made it up if she had thought it would please him, so she
was never even sure in her own mind of what she
remembered. Nasedo said Max was strong and decisive and
she let his stories take root. Her own stories were not
important now, as she was not important, except as the
one who would show Max the way.
She had to be protected,
he said, and he did protect her. He taught her how to
shield herself with the visions she could plant in
others' minds, and how to keep herself from the human
contact which would only make her weaker. She learned
these lessons readily. There were stories that came to
her at night - not often - about betrayal of her own kind
in the other time, stories that frightened her. She
wanted them to not be true, was sure they were not true,
and did not know what was wrong with her that she could
make up such things.
She hated Nasedo
sometimes - exploded and screamed and threw fits - and
this too he said was the human influence on her, making
her stupid with questions and fear. The changes she went
through, the bleeding, the loneliness, were to be
endured. The past was a muddle she could not understand,
and she learned to think only of what needed to be done
and to shut off the visions, the hatred she could feel
deep below the surface.
She learned to survive.
She tried to remember what Nasedo taught her. She knew to
keep apart from humans when in school, and stay out of
their way whenever possible. She had to wait for the day
when Max would listen to her and remember how he had been
strong and would be strong again. She had to wait for Max
to protect her and love her as he had done in the time
before.
She thought she had to
make herself beautiful and bright and good for Max,
though Nasedo said that it didn't matter at all and it
was her ridiculous human education that made her think it
did. He said, you have to remember and you have to
survive. That is all.
She made herself all of
those things anyway, and it didn't matter, because she
met Max and he remembered nothing. He was quiet and lost,
and Nasedo said that he had been dulled by the humans and
she needed to wake him up. And she tried so hard her head
hurt from it, but she was plagued by visions all night of
the other time, of a warrior who was so strong and
brilliant, so dangerous, and she remembered and
remembered Max quiet and despairing and could not conjure
up Nasedo's story which she had cherished for so long.
So she created it.
It was surprisingly easy
to convince the three of them, easy to put those words
into pictures. There were flaws in her version as there
were flaws in herself, but not large ones - romance novel
passion, a woman she had seen on a soap opera, elements
from all of those cheesy sci-fi movies. (She had watched
too much television during those long summers, perhaps,
but what else was there for a lonely girl to do?) And in
any case Max and Isabel watched in rapt credulous
fascination, and Michael did not know how to voice his
doubts, and no one challenged any of it.
She began to make things
up, adding details that Nasedo had never told her.
Because Isabel would
come to see her - alone, now, in Nasedo's house - and
Isabel was full of questions about the time before. She
wanted to know if she and Michael had really loved each
other, and why Tess had been so much later to emerge from
the pods, and a million things about their real mother
and family. What could Tess answer, except that of course
Michael had loved her? It was impossible to imagine not
loving Isabel who lit up every room and was never afraid.
And that she was late because her pod had been damaged a
little in the crash, and that Isabel's mother cried over
her children like mothers did in TV movies? The truth was
mixed up in there somehow.
She was dreaming every
night now, for hours. With no school there was even less
to distract her. Everything seemed to come into focus but
faded when she woke up, dreams about a tiny little blond
doll, a baby girl dead and frozen. Dreams about screaming
and screaming and not being saved. The old dream-stink of
betrayal.
Isabel's questions
slowed and stopped coming, but the time they spent
together only increased. Max avoided her. Tess didn't
want to see him, either, but Isabel fumed about her
brother's avoidance tactics and yelled at him for acting
so rudely to her friend. Threatened to make him deal with
the issue if he didn't do it on his own. Defended Tess.
Girly things, going to
the mall, buying perfumes and lotion that smelled like
fruit. Dancing in Tess's big empty living room, spinning
each other around to music Isabel didn't need a stereo to
make. Sitting in Diane's sunny kitchen, Max lurking in
his room upstairs.
It was easy to forget
again. Forget what Max was supposed to be and forget
Michael completely, forget Nasedo and all of the things
he had said, and let her world shrink again to herself
and Isabel, let her days be brighter and her nights dark
and full. It all began to blend, hours laughing with
Isabel, hours screaming for her. Screaming a different
name.
It was easy to forget
the structure with which her life had been organized, but
without it nothing seemed to make the sense it had. She
was still able to pretend - she had always been good at
that, at least - but inside her was chaos, pulling in
different directions, dizzy with too many versions of
reality. The Isabel that existed now made it all seem
exhilarating, but when she left - which she always did -
when she left, other people came and talked without
emotion about a war and all of the dead. It was a lab, it
was a battlefield and she screamed for Vilandra and
Vilandra never came.
Sometimes they examined
her. Sometimes they ripped open the one pod that wasn't
empty and pulled out the girl who had been damaged by the
crash, the little princess who was dead and blue, pulled
her out roughly and with cold satisfaction. She watched
silently. One of them turned to her and it was Nasedo,
though not in a body she recognized, and he asked her if
she was ready and she said she was, and then after
that...nothing.
Whiteness. The same
voices. Ten years, they were all saying, before it begins
to deteriorate. Wipe her clean. She can't know anything.
Sometimes she felt as if
her whole being was falling out of her body, seeping out
into the sheets. Sometimes she rubbed herself with peach
apple lotion because the smell reminded her that Isabel
was coming in the morning, and because she was so cold in
the house by herself. Crazier and crazier, she thought,
as she sat in bed and shivered. Holding Isabel's hand
tighter when she did come.
Isabel didn't ask about
Tess's strange behavior in the mornings, but it was clear
that she noticed. Held Tess in her arms like it was
perfectly normal, told her jokes and gossip. Dragged her
to the Crashdown and complained about the service.
Invited her over to the Evans' for dinner so much that
Diane started to wonder about where Tess's dad was.
And the more she touched
Isabel, the colder nights got when she left, and the
louder the voices became. They were talking about Max,
now, with undisguised hatred and contempt and confidence.
There was some plan - some technical thing - those words
made no sense at all. But they would win and she was one
of them, apart but still one of them. Important and
special and desperate. Desperate most of all.
One morning she didn't
get up, sat in her bed staring at the clock, waiting for
Isabel, listening to somebody say in a hushed voice that
Vilandra was dead. They had found her, and Tess would
live, but the battle had many casualties and there had
been a mistake and Vilandra was dead, Vilandra would not
come, and this time there was no screaming, just the
ticking of the clock and her own fast breathing.
Time was running out,
they were saying. She can't remember anything. They'll
look into her mind. She has to believe what she says, has
to have no knowledge of the deception. Vilandra will
recognize her, anyway. She just has to infiltrate the
three survivors, make them trust her, and Vilandra will
do what she did before. Vilandra will know who she is.
But why did everyone
else know? Why didn't she? How was she supposed to be
strong and brave when they had taked away her memories,
her everything - who she was - and that poor little dead
girl, who never even had a chance -
Tess closed her eyes
because she couldn't stand to look at the ugliness of
herself, could not stand to leave this dusty bed. Where
was Isabel? Why wasn't she here yet? The panic was rising
in her throat, and the clock was ticking, and her whole
body hurt.
They would kill her.
They had been right, and she had lied, and now she would
be the next to go, because an enemy was an enemy no
matter how weak. Her powers could not protect her. She
didn't have the will to leave, and Nasedo would turn her
away for sure. And even if none of that was true - she
could not go without Vilandra. Not this time, not after
she had followed her so far.
And why didn't Isabel
know? She should know - even if her final judgement was
the same - she should know before she made the right
choice this time, she should stand beside her brother
with the full understanding of what she was doing.
And then there were warm
hands on her shoulders and Tess opened her eyes to see
Isabel's brown, so close to her face, worried and sad and
wild. And she knew, then, that Isabel did remember. That
Isabel had remembered maybe all along, and Isabel's warm
breath was on her, and she was rocking herback and forth
and they were both crying like human girls, and the
gritty dust and salt hurt Tess's face which was burning
up anyway, and she whispered a name which was not Isabel,
and Isabel said that it would all be all right, now, that
she would protect her, that she would not let Max hurt
Tess.
And her skin was itching
and peeling and smelling sweet as peaches, and Isabel
held her together in those strong arms and whispered in
her ear, and her lovely face was fierce.
And Tess knew that -
after all - she would do what she had been taught. She
would survive.
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