Title: Light
Author: Uriel
E-mail: uriel256@hotmail.com
Fandom: Roswell
Paring: Isabel/Ava
Archive: list archives are a go, others tell me where it
is going and you can have it.
Disclaimer: the characters are about as much mine as a
copy of the Godfather. which is to say, they are not at
all.
Notes: This is something i wrote way way back right after
(i mean like five minutes after) Meet the Dupes. and i've
been worrying at it, and mucking with it ever since. And
I still don't much like it. So I apologize on its behalf,
it is very very sorry that it was written and it will go
sit in the corner and think about what it has done. Or
something.
She looks at me with those big eyes.
She's like a puppy who was beaten and left outside in the
cold. Her eyes are expecting me to hurt her, almost
begging for me to hurt her. What did they do to her? How
could they have done this to her? Were they really that
different from us? Could we so easily become like her or
them? Could they really want to hurt her like that?
She's not like Tess. If someone hurt
Tess she would hurt them back. Tess would get angry. Tess
would retaliate. This girl who has Tess's face would curl
up on the floor and wait for the next blow. Tess can be a
bitch sometimes. I don't think this girl is capable. I
don't think she has the will to stand up to anyone.
But here she is, standing before me,
offering herself up to me. Like Tess did. Once. I
couldn't say no to Tess. I can1t say no to this girl.
This girl who wears the face of the only person I1ve ever
felt safe with. This girl with eyes like a beaten puppy.
She's so different. Ava. She's not
Tess. She's not Tess at all. She seems so young. A scared
little girl, with a quivering lip that makes her lipring
reflect the light back and forth, making patterns dance
on the walls.
I wonder if she loved the other me. The
woman who isn't me, but shared a lifetime with me a
lifetime ago. We were the same person once. Are we still
the same? Are our lives forever in parallel? Did she love
this girl like I love Tess? Or was it that woman who gave
this shivering waif who wears Tess's face the eyes of a
beaten puppy?
I make a decision. I offer her my hand,
slowly. It moves towards her face, giving her the time to
run away. I reach out to her like I would a frightened
animal. My hand touches her cheek. Her cheek is colder
than Tess's was. Tess was always warm. Tess was
aggressive. Tess wasn't afraid of me. The girl who wears
the face of the woman I loved leans into my touch. Her
eyes close, and a smile cracks the defeated mask of her
face. The little ring in her lip twitches and light
changes angle in the reflection. I slowly move towards
her. She tenses. Her jaw clenches beneath my hand. She's
so frightened. So horribly terrified. Of me. Of what I
might do.
"I won't hurt you," I coo at
her. "I promise." She backs away a little and
her eyes open. Distrust and the self-defense urge
overcome her puppy dog eyes. She glares at me, her fear
boiling off of her skin. "Please, Ava. Just trust
me."
"I trusted someone once. A long
time ago. Her name was Vilandra." Her voice was a
choked sob, a strangled cry, an accusation.
"I'm not Vilandra. I'm Isabel. I'm
not who I was. I couldn't do those things." The
excuses pour out of me, trying desperately to convince
both of us that they are true.
"Lonnie was still Vilandra. She
didn't know it. She still doesn't realize. What if you
are too? What if you can't see it?" Her lip quivers,
and the little ring flashes blindingly in the dim light.
I feel the need to take her in my arms and press my mouth
to hers.
"I- I don't know," I whisper
in reply. I turn away. I can't look in her eyes. I could
do this to her. I know it to the very center of my being.
I have it in me to give her eyes like a beaten puppy. I
don't want to hurt her. She's been hurt so much by me
already. Even though it wasn't me, it was just someone
who wore my face. I don't want to hurt her.
"You are different," she
whispers. Her voice seems awed by whatever difference she
sees in me.
"I'm not," I choke out. I
think I'm going to cry. At least I'm not wearing any make
up.
"But you don't want to hurt
me," she breathes, as if the very idea of someone
not wanting to hurt her is amazing. I can't express how
horrible the idea of someone wanting to hurt her is to
me. I reach out to her. She takes my hand in hers and
holds it delicately, gently, like Tess never could.
The connection is deeper than it was
with Tess. It becomes more intimate, the sharing of our
minds. I feel her memories and her pain wash over me. I
feel her rob me of every secret I ever held behind my
beautifully crafted, brushed on face. She slides into me
more than Tess ever could. The beaten puppy leaves her
eyes. I wonder if it has gone into mine. She smiles and
the ring twitches again, sending a cascade of light
across my vision.
She crawls out the window, leaving me
alone in the room that I call mine. I stare blankly at
the ceiling, waiting for the patterns of color and light
to fade from my eyes.
***
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