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Title:
Memoirs of a Lost Soul Author: Sara Category: Tess/Liz, Tess POV Summary: Tess says goodbye. Background Music: "Fallen" by Bree Sharp. Notes: A sequel of sorts to Confessions of a Quiet Victim. My first attempt at doing Tess's point of view. Warning: angst ahead. "Sorry I
never told you "I can't save
you." "I know." "I'm sorry. I love
you." "I love you." She smiled at me, and
closed her eyes. All was lost. *** Everything is quiet. I came into this world
alone, and I realize now that's it's my fate to leave the
same way. For those few, amazing moments, she was mine,
and I knew happiness. But that's all over now. Once again, I know
loneliness. It's the one human emotion I never could deny
myself, and it surrounds me now, like a heavy blanket in
this oppressive summer heat. I thought I was alone
before, I was wrong. Then, I was just lonely. I could
have made friends. I didn't. Then I came here. And I
suddenly had a family, or at the very least people I
could relate to. And I had Liz. Not in
the beginning, of course. When I arrived, I had a
purpose, though it was not my own. I was different then.
Knowing Liz Parker changed me. For the better, I think.
She made me feel human. I owe her for that. I don't know how I'm
going to live without her. Everyone is gone, and the
world I know is a world I hate. Solitude is a way of life
for me now. Life. Ha. If you could call it that. The funeral was
difficult, even more so than I thought it would be.
Basically it was just me and a few random kids from
school, along with many family members. No one knew who I
was. "Oh did you know Liz? Such a sweet girl, wasn't
she. It's a shame. Where is that lovely Max she used to
date? Never seen two kids more in love. Such a
tragedy." Not even her parents
knew. To them, I was a girl that used to come to the
Crashdown with Liz's friends, and someone who visited her
in the hospital a few times. Nobody special. Just another
friend. No one worthy of knowing. Even if I had told them,
they still wouldn't have understood. "You loved her?
What do you mean? She's been dating Max. Our Lizzie
wasn't like that. I don't know what you're talking
about." Right. That's what we got from everyone
else, why expect anything different? But I have no room left
for bitterness now, only painful, quiet acceptance. And
the silence. It surrounds me, boxes me in until I can't
breathe, I can't think, I can only gasp and cry in a
lonely corner of my room. At first, I tried to keep up
the facade. I was just a minor friend of Liz's, barely
knew her. Right. Now I don't even bother. I just lay in
bed, staring at the ceiling, remembering a life with
meaning. I've known solitude
before, but this is different. This is cold, dark pain,
the kind that cuts you up inside until you're ready to
crush your own hands so they'll stop shaking. I miss her.
It's like someone has reached into my life and taken away
air, food, sunshine, and music. And all that is left is
this deep, burning sorrow. It's killing me. I can't live
without her. The bedroom light is too
bright for my eyes. I'll turn it off soon. I'll turn
everything off. I'm going to leave. I have everything I
need. Six bottles of aspirin, water, car keys. I'm
wearing her favorite dress of mine. It's long and red,
and we danced together every time I wore it. I'm going to
the pod chamber, and I know no one will find me there. I
have nothing to worry about. Not anymore. *** I arrive at the cliffs
faster than usual. I sped all the way here, what does it
matter if I get a ticket? Not like I'll be around to pay
it. No one stopped me though, and now I stand looking
over the edge. A small bag full of pills dangling from
one hand, a bottle of water hanging from the other. I
sigh, enter the pod chamber. Now that I can see the end,
I feel so much more relaxed. Only eternity awaits. I can hear it starting
to rain outside, and I feel even more peaceful. I tear
open the bag, and one by one begin swallowing the pills.
They slide down my throat easily, and everything else
descends into white noise. Grab, sip, swallow. Grab, sip,
swallow. Comforting. Fatigue begins to
overtake me. I collapse against the wall, slowly slide
down. My muscles slacken, pills scatter over the ground.
Water spills from the bottle, forms a small puddle. This
makes me smile. Can you hear me, Liz,
Lizzie, my beautiful Elizabeth? The rain falls for you,
and so do I. I'll finish it now, the sooner I can see you
again. I press my palm over my heart, throw my last bit
of energy out. I feel the beats slow down even more, my
pulse grows sluggish. I'm sleepy now. One last strong
mental twist, and I feel myself fade. Are you there, Liz, are
you waiting for me? I'm here now. I'm here. I'm here... |